I haven’t published any posts this week for several reasons, but what has inhibited me the most is the anger that I feel as I watch injustice on top of injustice unfolding in our country. My schizophrenic Twitter timeline that places agonized appeals to repair a system that allows people to consistently murder people of color without redress next to the optimistic instructions for how-to-design-your-own virtual Bitmoji classroom (but, make sure that classroom reflects diversity and student disabilities) make me oscillate between being angry at myself for not doing enough and angry at those in power who are doing all of the wrong things. I’m afraid this anger will flood out of me when I write – a confusing tsunami of emotion that drowns the innocent and has no effect, as usual, on the ignorantly privileged.
I recently heard an interview with comedian Hannah Gadsby on Fresh Air. They replayed part of her Nanette comedy special in which she explained why she needed to step away from comedy:
I am not a victim. But I feel anger on the part of the victims. And I do feel, unfortunately, hatred toward their abusers. But the consequence of hatred is fear, and isn’t fear what has brought us to this? People who have a misplaced fear of those who they don’t understand commit vile acts against them.
I hate them. The people who make a grown man cry out to his mother until he dies, the people who tell the police they are being assaulted by a black man when he is merely asking them to follow the rules, the people who take it upon themselves to make a citizen’s arrest of a man and end up killing him, the leader who systematically bullies and threatens anyone who doesn’t support him.
But I can’t let hatred guide me. So I need to step back a little bit until I can find a way to re-shape my anger into something constructive. I’m going to drown myself in puppy pics and heartwarming animal rescue stories from @Dodo for a few days.
And then I’m going to figure out a way to constructively eradicate those assholes.