You see them in the headlines. You see them on the side of the road asking for food. You see them in your classroom. Maybe, like me, you see them in the mirror.
Some us are easier to spot than others. You recognize them, but feel unequipped to give them aid. Or – you wonder why they don’t help themselves, why they don’t just try a little harder.
This is a post I started writing in 2015. It has been in my drafts folder since then. I couldn’t find a way to write it in a way to ask for compassion about this topic without seeming to ask for pity for myself. But then I saw Mandy Froelich’s post about “Destigmatizing the Depressed Educator” and realized that I need to make another attempt.
About 15 years ago, I was diagnosed with clinical depression. It is chronic, and it is wickedly destructive. Mindy’s words about her brain being an emotional bully perfectly describe my own experiences battling this disease and I have great empathy for anyone who suffers from it.
It is difficult for many people to understand depression. It can seem like a weakness or a self-indulgence. I have heard advice suggesting that it just takes time, or a better diet, or more exercise to cure it – that it’s caused by laziness or even ingratitude. Anyone who has gone through great sadness believes he or she knows how to cure depression. But depression is not usually a reaction to a tragic event. And it is not cured by time. I once wrote a poem contrasting sadness and depression because it always seems so difficult to explain:
The difference between sadness and depression
is the difference between
Longing for time past, and wishing for time to pass
Wanting to get over the hurt, and thinking hurt would be an improvement
Trying to find meaning, and despairing of any meaning
Needing the comfort of friends, and avoiding the comfort of friends
Waking up with hope, and waking up with dread
Wishing for a different life and wishing you were dead.
The attitude towards depression is a symptom of a much larger problem in our society – our refusal to prioritize mental health. People who have cancer get compassion (and rightly so), but people who have schizophrenia, depression, or OCD are ridiculed and disdained. This is not a problem exclusive to education. I imagine there are plenty of people in other professions who would never admit to their co-workers that they have any sort of mental health problems.
In March, I wrote about a young man named Joey Hudy who had just been diagnosed with schizophrenia. (His family is trying to raise money for his treatment here.) My purpose was to bring attention to the importance of good mental health and the need for all of us to be educated on how to recognize the symptoms of those who are in crisis.
We need to de-stigmatize the depressed educator, the depressed parent, the depressed student, and anyone else who has less than perfect mental health. Instead of denigrating the mother who stays in bed all day or the neighbor who never wants to socialize, we should have, at the very least, compassion. At the very most, we should educate our society and provide mental health support to those in need. In our schools, we should give age-appropriate lessons about the signs of mental health problems so students can recognize it in themselves and in others. Then we should make sure they have resources available to them and they know how to access them. As a society we need to stop equating mental health struggles with weakness, laziness, or evil in our media and our own conversations.
If you want to know some basic facts about depression, begin with this resource. It describes the symptoms and offers links for those who wish to seek help.
UPDATE 12/18/17 – I just found a resource I had bookmarked about the suicide prevention charity, Papyrus, in the UK. Papyrus has an incredible toolkit that it published for UK schools that gives very concrete advice on what teachers and staff can do to prevent suicide. I highly recommend every educator and parent should have a copy of this thorough and helpful resource.
UPDATE 1/3/18 – I now have a new blog where I will be addressing what we can do to de-stigmatize mental illness and offer more resources to those who may be depressed. You can see it here: Great Minds Don’t Think Alike.
Thank you for this blog. My daughter struggles with a mental illness and your words encourage me to continue to be supportive and patient even when it is difficult. You have given me a lovely holiday gift with your words.
That must be very hard for you, but it sounds like you have great empathy. I hope that you have support as a caregiver because that can be so hard to watch a loved one, especially your own child, suffer. Please know that there are many people out there going through similar experiences and that your daughter’s illness is not a reflection of your parenting. As a mom, I know it is easy for parents to blame ourselves – for everything 😉
You are brilliant and you are brave . Thank you for this and for fighting for everyone who suffers from depression or loves someone who does. You are loved by many!
Thanks, Michelle!
Thank you for sharing your story! Love your writing; keep doing it!
Thank you!
What a brave and powerful post! I completely agree with you-part of the problem is people don’t talk about it so if someone ends up needing help, they are afraid to ask for it because of the stigma attached. We don’t even have counselors in many of the elementary schools in our district (including mine). I just think that if we start educating students in a kid-friendly way from the beginning how to understand that mental health issues are not something to be ashamed of, maybe they would be more willing to seek help when they need it. Thank you for sharing this Terri.
Gosh, that must be very hard to not even have a counselor on campus! I am very grateful for ours!
Thank you for your openness about a condition that has been stigmatized so. By sharing, you help break down the stigma and help open our hearts to those who struggle so. I have had family members struggle with depression. I am so sorry you bear this burden. Thank you for lighting our lives with your insights and humor and tools and compassion, even when you at times are fighting the dark. Lots of love to you, Terri!
Thanks, Lisa. I do think that more people sharing will help encourage more understanding and awareness. I am sorry that you have been touched by this personally, as I know that feeling of helplessness you can experience as you watch someone close to you struggle with this condition. They are fortunate to have your love and support!
What a powerful post friend. It is so important to educate the next generation so that they can be the change. I’ll be working with my counselors this week to see how we can begin the education process in the new year.
You are such an amazing, proactive leader! Thank you for your words and your quick action!